When time stands still

He stood up and pick his wife up in his arms easily. ‘Enough of that talking, let’s go to bed.”

He knew deep down that with his old wife, there is spirituality and true beauty in all that they shared because they were simply following the set path outlined in Fibonacci’s sequence; in a world spiralling outwards with excitement, ambition and unnatural sex with his twenty-one year old mistress, he will always come home to this sameness, to this life in Die Uitkyk, living simply with his family.  Individuals don’t have an independent existence but exist only as part of an ensemble of many. Maybe that’s the meaning of life that he had been seeking, he thought: just to live each day well and love truly and deeply those who love you selflessly, to propagate that love that lies beneath all aspects of creation.

She wriggled out of his arms and kicked her shoes off. In her stockinged feet, she stood six feet three quarters of an inch tall.

“Just promise me one thing, PW,” she said as she began taking off the clothes; the way she did it with her back facing him, her head turning slightly towards him as she spoke sent his heart thudding like the hooves of wildebeest in his ribcage.

“What?” His eyes ate her hungrily. At this moment in time, he would have promised her anything and everything she asked.

Her clothes came off swiftly, deftly, until she was stood there in her lacy white panties. Where did she get those from, he wondered inconsequentially. She turned to face him, meeting his eyes steadily. “Never stop going to church, PW, even when you are far away from here. Because we have to love like we did in the beginning. All this will pass and in the end there is only the love between us that matters. And whatever we have missed with each other in the bad times like now, together we possess the precious, the real, the one true path. So don’t stress, my husband, just love.”

She put a white cotton nightie over her head, slid her arms into the sleeves and fastened the buttons.

The cynic in him wondered if life could really be that simple: just love your wife and all would be fine. And then he thought, for all the unimagined vastness and unfathomable complexities of the Universe, there are only four fundamental forces that shaped everything.

She got under her covers and held her arm out to him. He removed his trousers quickly and joined her eagerly under the covers.

‘Just hold me, PW,” she said firmly, much to his disappointment. But as they lay nose to nose, he felt a gladness permeating his heart.

“Hey,” he said softly to his wife, feeling like a seventeen-year old inexeperienced youth, like the plasjaapie he had once been all those years ago. He smiled at her in the dark and she felt, rather than saw, his smile. He stroked her hair gently, and he thought to himself, how beautifully our bodies fit together like this.

He wasn’t sure whose lips found whose, but when they met, it was sweetness itself. The tentative first touch, soft like the caress of dawn, holding the same shyness and the same smile. The hunger and the yearning were there but they were tamped down by something deeper and infinitely sweeter. His fingers undid the top three buttons of her nightie and he slipped his hand in to cup her left breast. And there his hand stayed as they fell asleep together, nose-to-nose, lips lightly touching.

I am the integrity you lost when you became like her instead of becoming truly you, she whispered in her sleep. And for once in this lifetime, the Higgs field was completely silenced in tribute to the loveliness of this purity and giving, all the particles within it stilled and the four fundamental forces were in abeyance.

Screen Shot 2016-03-22 at 11.57.38

Excerpt from Chapter 15: Natural Laws

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A lesson in kindness

PW of the old would have scoffed. Ha! You don’t have to teach kids how to be blerrie good husbands and mothers and parents, when the time comes, they just do it, rite? It’s the most natural thing in the world!

And therein lays the sobering thought: he grew up in cold, harsh Die Uitkyk where there was not much kindness around. Success was measured terms of harvest and health, and in level of obedience to God. Thus, his father was always too busy with the farm whilst his mother was too weak and ill to get out of her sickbed to teach her sons and daughters some very important lessons in life. Like how to be good husbands, wives and parents. Like kindness.

“Your Ma’s probably right.”

They walked on. PW wrestled with the deep, disquieting thoughts that had been plaguing him for years. He decided to plough ahead and ask his son, for if a man cannot talk to his son, who can he talk to? “Do you think I am a good husband to your mother, Hennie, and a good father to you and your brothers?”

“Yes, Pa,” came the dutiful reply.

“Come on, Boy, speak the truth!”

“No. I won’t speak the truth.”

PW stopped walking and turned to face his son. “Remember the conversation we had about being brave like a lion? Think of yourself as one, and roar out your answer. Never be afraid to speak the truth, Hennie.”

“I am not afraid of you, Pa. I am not telling you the truth because Ma said truth is not worth it if it brings pain to someone. That’s the big lesson we had to learn, when to speak and when not to speak at all.”

“I am a scientist, I need to know the truth. That’s always the case with me, Hennie, I always want to find out answers, whatever they may be. The not knowing torments me.”

“In that case, Pa, you have not been good for us.” It hurt the boy to say it, but there, it was out there now. He asked for it.

My God, truth hurts. And to be told that one is not a good parent hurts more than anything.

Stung by his son’s answer, PW recoiled. “Thank you, Hennie,” he said simply, with genuine gratitude.

They walked on in silence for a bit, then Hennie spoke. “Ma said not to be angry at you, because it is not your fault. Your parents did not teach you kindness. They had tried to make you tough.”

“Yes, my parents did that. I was never good enough. There was a lot of unkindness in my childhood. But maybe that’s the Boer way, we have to grow tough children for the tough life out here.”

“Ma said it’s more important to teach children how to be kind. Because with kindness, you get better results.”

What was it that Karin said? Love is the most efficient law.

“Sometimes, people hurt you because they are hurting inside. Even if they are kind, they forget about their kindness when their own hurt is bad. Are you hurting inside, Pa? Is that why you made Ma cry?”

Excerpt from Chapter 15: Natural Laws

 

Fibonacci in love

“How do you manage to live with the pain I have caused you, Karin?”

“I have no choice but to go on loving you, because God has chosen me for you. I can’t fail Him.”

It suddenly dawned on PW, something that had always puzzled everybody, this twenty five year old mystery. He looked at his wife in wonder. “You didn’t want me, did you? You had always wanted Hennie! And who could blame you? He was more of a man that I could ever be, the eldest son and all that. And suddenly, you changed your mind and I wondered why. All the boys, my friends, were saying that it was because Hennie was away on National Service, and you craved attention, so you switched to me. But it had been God all along, hasn’t it, Who was behind your change of mind?”

“Yes, but I learned to love you. And I have no regrets. You are the best husband ever.”

“Even after all I have done to you?” He was incredulous.

“Yes,” she said simply. “You are the best, because you are the only one I’ve got.”

He looked at her in admiration. “How the blerrie hell did you do it? I really believed that you were in love with me! I thought you went crazy for my eyes and my long muscly legs!”

“I faked it until I made it,” she replied airily and they both burst out laughing. “Fortunately, you look better now at forty three than when you were twenty.”

All the love of their shared twenty two years together came tumbling out like their children’s toys from the wicker basket, just like when the boys used to pour out Christmas presents from the sack. Yes, it was the power of her intention that made love appear as if by magic where there had once been emptiness. It is just like the Universe: it only takes one excitation, an impulse, for life to happen.

“Jesus! You mean to tell me all that lust and panting was not real?”

“I made myself think only of you, PW. I filled myself with you. Only you. And after a while, Hennie stopped mattering. He became just my brother-in-law. It was as if our old history did not happen, probably because I am completely focused on my present and future with you. And that is what I have been trying to tell you, PW, that in life, everything has its own sweet place.”

“Fibonacci sequence,” PW breathed. “Of course! There’s such beautiful order in nature that I sometimes wonder if God is a mathematician.”

Ag, PW, don’t complicate things. I don’t know what Fibonacci sequence means, but I know one thing, love is the most efficient law. That’s why it is obeyed universally, and it only brings suffering when it is not obeyed. When people don’t obey the law of love, the whole blerrie system breaks down. Look at our country. It is corrupt, that’s why we are poor.”

“Yeah, like in my case. I broke my covenant with God. And with you. That’s why I am suffering. Nothing means anything to me now, Karin, not even the blerrie accelerator.”

“You are a good man, PW. Like I said, even successful men make mistakes. And I say you are a good man because you tried to spare me. Your protected me as much as you could from the pain instead of dragging me down with you. That’s what most people do, you know. When they are in  a bad place, they try to take their partners down too. But you did your best to keep me afloat. And you try so hard too – I see it in your eyes – to stop my pain.”

PW was curious. ‘How did I do that?”

“You gave me the best you could,” she said.

“Is that enough?”

“I know you are trying to be the husband I deserve, PW, and because you are trying, it is enough. If you set the intention, the energy will follow, and as a physicist, you should know that where energy goes, life follows. I don’t ask for more than your intention, PW, to love me fully again. Yes, I know, it is not much what you have for me now, and of course it hurts. But I say to myself, ‘Tomorrow, I’ll think of some way to get my husband back, and after tomorrow is another day’.”

He stood up and pick his wife up into his arms. ‘Enough of that talking, let’s go to bed.”

He knew deep down that with his wife, there is spirituality and true beauty in all that they share because they were merely following the set path outlined in Fibonacci’s sequence; in a world spiralling outwards of excitement, ambition and unnatural sex with his twenty one year old mistress, he will always come home to this sameness, to this life in Die Uitkyk, living quietly with his family.  Individuals don’t have an independent existence but rather exist only as part of an ensemble of many. Maybe that’s the meaning of life that he had been seeking, he thought: just to live each day well and love truly and deeply those who love you selflessly, to propagate that love that lies beneath all aspects of Creation.

“Just promise me one thing, PW.”

“What?”

“Never stop going to church, even when you are far away from here. Because we have to love, like we did in the beginning. All this will pass, and in the end, there is only the love between us that matters. And whatever we have missed with each other in the bad times like now, we possess together the precious, the real, the one true path. So don’t stress, my husband, just love.”

The cynic in him wondered if life could really be that simple: just love your wife and all would be fine. And then he thought, for all the unimagined vastness and unfathomable complexities of the Universe, there are only four fundamental forces that shaped everything.

I am the integrity you lost when you became like her, instead of becoming truly you, she said. And for once in this lifetime, the Higgs field was completely silenced in tribute to the loveliness of this purity and giving, all the particles within it stilled and the four fundamental forces were in abeyance.

(Photograph shows nature obeying the Fibonacci sequence.)

A sweet introduction to Fibonacci sequence in nature: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14-NdQwKz9w

The song, Lateralus by Tool is also about Fibonacci, please do watch to be blown away:

(1) Black,
(1) then,
(2) white are,
(3) all I see,
(5) in my in•fan•cy,
(8) red and yel•low then came to be,
(5) rea•ching out to me,
(3) lets me see.
(2) There is,
(1) so,
(1) much,
(2) more and
(3) beck•ons me,
(5) to look through to these,
(8) in•fi•nite pos•si•bil•i•ties.
(13) As be•low so a•bove and be•yond I im•ag•ine,
(8) drawn be-yond the lines of rea•son.
(5) Push the en•ve•lope.
(3) Watch it bend.

 

 

 

Kissing you

(Excerpt from Chapter 15, Space-Time Love)

I want to kiss your eyelids gently, hold your face between my hands and feel your strong body tremble in my arms. I know that you want me above all, and that your body responds so beautifully to mine, as mine does to yours.

I know you want to prolong it. You told me many times. So I will read Shelley to you,

And the sunlight clasps the earth,

And the moonbeams kiss the sea;–

What are all these kissings worth,

If thou kiss not me?

Do you know, how similar our eyes are to each other’s? That’s the spirituality of us, the spirituality that raises fierce carnal lust into something beautiful. People would say it’s an unhealthy obsession between us, but I disagree. How could it be? Your wanting of me makes me feel like a woman, the most desirable woman in the world. I come alive for you, just for you, PW.

I kiss you, slowly and deeply. I can taste your desire for me in your mouth. Do you know how many years I have waited to do this? To touch you like this, to touch you in wonder and awe of the perfection of your body that I have wanted for so long. I worship your body for the pleasure that it gives me. And now, I am holding you in my arms and you are trembling.

I love sitting like this, face to face with you, with that part of you buried deep inside me, your power barely leashed. I love it that your body has such power and rawness; you are beautiful, do you know that? The most beautiful man I know. I love licking your ear and stroking your neck, taking my time to taste and caress you until you could stand it no more. I love your back. The strong trapezius muscles that defined your body as a man’s. My man for now. No, you are always mine, aren’t you? As I am always your woman, your lover. Because we satisfy each other on all levels in a way that no one ever could. Not because of beauty or special skills, both of which I do not possess, but the fire that burns in me for you. You know that I burn exclusively for you from the very core of my being. I want you so much, so much, so much, sometimes I think, more than I want life itself. For that one moment of holding your trembling body in my arms, I would die a thousand deaths.